she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
