The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
