She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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