Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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