so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
