i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
