Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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