it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
