I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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