The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
