Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
