boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
