I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
