Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
