Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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