The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
