DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I want you more than these girls want KFC
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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