This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
