you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
