I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
