This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
