I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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