Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
