my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
