I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
