why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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