my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
