summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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