Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
