He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
