We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
