i just sent this text using only my big toe
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
