remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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