I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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