Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
