Just fell off a train. Bad.
In America we eat man semen.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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