He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
