i barfeds in our rink
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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