I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
