I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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