So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
