fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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