here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
