i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
