Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
