It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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