oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We need to get me chipped asap
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
