i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
