1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
