well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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